Dating is Never Easy
You would think that with the plethora of dating apps available these days that dating would be a breeze and result in a calendar full to the brim of endless coffees, drinks and other catch ups. And maybe it is for some, although it could stretch the bank balance a little if you have expensive tastes. But for many of us mere mortals, it is a difficult grind that can rate right up there with cleaning the car, doing the ironing or a multitude of tasks you would rather avoid but know they need doing.
Now, this may be an age issue and I am happy to acknowledge this as online dating is a recent phenomenon. However, even the traditional methods of dating, that require a person to go to venues or establishments where you may meet someone, can be tedious and nerve wracking. To narrow the focus a little here, I will stick to the demographic of those over 45 years of age.
It could be assumed that those meeting the above criteria have got their careers settled, are exploring new hobbies or activities and have already had, or chose not to, have children. Yes, these are assumptions and don’t hold true for everyone. Given these though, we could also assume that this group possibly have more time on their hands and some disposable income to be able to get out a little more. If we stretch this reality a little further, we could also assume that you will meet your ideal partner after a few dates and the rest of your days are happy and full of wonderful memories. Yeah right!
Let’s turn to math and probability for a minute. If we are to treat dating as a mathematical equation and look for the best likelihood of success, then look no further than the theory of optimal stopping and the secretary problem. In its simplest form, this states that you should choose your ideal partner after rejecting the first 37% of those you meet. So, if you are planning on dating 100 people, number 38 is the winner! That’s a lot of effort. Of course, you can drop the total number of dates to 10 and then chose number 4. But even that is challenging if you extrapolate out the average number of dates per candidate multiplied by the average cost of a date…you see where this is going.
If you take just anecdotal evidence of how hard dating can be, you need look no further than dating apps for proof. Having been on and off a couple of different platforms, I am constantly surprised at how many of us seem to be recidivists, to steal a term for repeat offenders. Whether people date for a while then break up and return to the apps or are trying for a while having no luck (my camp), it is hard to say. Although I’m sure there is an academic study somewhere for this. The older you get, read that as experience, the less time you are prepared to suffer fools or are you likely to put up with traits in someone that you may have looked past previously. If you know how to break up with somebody, then you may be more resilient to any negative emotions it may bring. You also know that there is a dating app full of potential new prospects.
When you consider that it is a biological trait that we seek out company, we are doing a good job at making it difficult in finding some long-term happiness. Not to dive too deep in to the belief that loneliness is part of the human condition and that we should just deal with it, the alternative is it is a throwback to our human development and kept small groups together as a safety mechanism. If we felt lonely, we looked for our tribe.
As can be seen from this article, dating is complex and challenging but maybe a necessity. Dating apps aren’t likely to disappear soon and there are more and more coming to the market to suit those with different ethnicity, sexual preferences and demographics. In a world were speed is the key to getting buy, it seems that dating may be suffering as we don’t take the time to consider those that may be a good fit and instead just window shop pictures of possibilities.
